Molinda Goforth

Helping You Prosper!

Spring Rain

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Recalling the smell of spring rain……  When I was a little girl, we attended many Pentecostal churches where they sang this song.    Many nights, I would fall asleep in my bed with the window open a breeze blowing and rain falling.  That would have been spring time!

It has been raining in Billings, Montana for the past couple of days.  Somehow the aroma of the rain in the hills of Kentucky isn’t here!

I am thinking of home in the South!  Do you have childhood memories that float through sometimes?

Tomorrow, I will post the recap of why my trip to Kentucky and Tennessee did not happen earlier this month!

For today, let us

go forth and prosper

Molinda Sue

Monday’s Menu

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Monday’s Momentum Menu

Monday Momentum:  strength or force gained by motion or by a series of events, eg   The ice pic  gained momentum as it rolled down the hill.

Horrible events happened at the house Sunday.  I take full responsibility for the results of the day.  I did not go to church. I should have. I did not take my granddaughter swimming like I promised. I should have.

I did chip ice from the steps, very physical as some of the ice was 4 inches deep. I should have done that Saturday. A heavy ice chipper slid down the hill, curved and landed on my foot. It hurt!

I made my son angry. Oops,  I cannot make him angry. He chose to be angry.

Sunday screamed for a change.  Have you ever felt like it was time for a change?

On Excellent Avenue, my behavior was unacceptable. Sunday is over, reviewed and forgiven.  Forcing action for today generates the momentum for this week.

Let’s share a success menu.  For food, remember we are doing Keto. Weight Watchers will happen as soon as I get my body detoxed.

First on my Menu:   Appetizer — Keep commitments, avoid the awful feeling described above!  Enjoy peace, harmony and share joy!

Breakfast:  Protein shake

Lunch: Mixed Green Salad with a sliced hard-boiled egg and sugar-free dressing.

Tuesday Dinner:  new recipe from KETO comfort foods by Maria Emmerich.

Shredded Amish Chicken and Gravy

  1. 6 boneless chicken thighs

  2. 1 cup chicken bone broth

  3. 1 8 oz package cream cheese

  4. 1 tablespoon poultry seasoning

  5. 1 teaspoon ground black pepper

  6. Fresh herbs of choice such as thyme for garnish

Serve with:

Roasted Brussels Sprouts with sliced Avocado

Lemon Iced Water

prep time 5 minutes, cook time 6 hours

)ill.

Horrible events happened at the house Sunday.  I take full responsibility for the results of the day.  I did not go to church. I should have. I did not take my granddaughter swimming like I promised. I should have.

I did chip ice from the steps, very physical as some of the ice was 4 inches deep. I should have done that Saturday. A heavy ice chipper slid down the hill, curved and landed on my foot. It hurt!

I made my son angry. Oops,  I cannot make him angry. He chose to be angry.

Sunday screamed for a change.  Have you ever felt like it was time for a change?

On Excellent Avenue, my behavior was unacceptable. Sunday is over, reviewed and forgiven.  Forcing action for today generates the momentum for this week.

Let’s share a success menu.  For food, remember we are doing Keto. Weight Watchers will happen as soon as I get my body detoxed.

First on my Menu:   Appetizer — Keep commitments, avoid the awful feeling described above!  Enjoy peace, harmony and share joy!

Breakfast:  Protein shake

Lunch: Mixed Green Salad with a sliced hard-boiled egg and sugar-free dressing.

Tuesday Dinner:  new recipe from KETO comfort foods by Maria Emmerich.

Shredded Amish Chicken and Gravy

  1. 6 boneless chicken thighs

  2. 1 cup chicken bone broth

  3. 1 8 oz package cream cheese

  4. 1 tablespoon poultry seasoning

  5. 1 teaspoon ground black pepper

  6. Fresh herbs of choice such as thyme for garnish

Serve with:

Roasted Brussels Sprouts with sliced Avocado

Lemon Iced Water

prep time 5 minutes, cook time 6 hours

  1. Place chicken thighs in a 4 quart slow cooker. Combine the broth, cream cheese, poultry seasoning and pepper in a blender and puree until smooth.  Add the blended mixture to the slow cooker. Cover and cook on low for 6 hours or until the chicken falls apart easily.  Shred the meet with 2 forks and stir into the gravy.  Taste and add salt if desired.

  2. Store extras in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 3 days.

I will give an honest review and note any changes next Monday.  We will share another recipe. If you are doing Keto, please share a recipe with me.

It’s time to roll into Tuesday and

go forth and prosper

Molinda Sue

Keto or Paleo for Dinner Menu?

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Monday’s menu was supposed be a written and posted  February 19th. The weekend prior to the 19th, I researched, read, and generated thousands of thoughts before committing. Monday, the menu was not ready.  Today is Friday and I am completing this post. Remember, Friday is Finish Day.

If I were good with this communication, I would have shared a ton of questions and asked for encouragement.  Instead, I struggled. My Second issue  was technical.  In my head, I could see the way I want this to look and read.  From my head to my fingers it did not compute. I am in the messy middle of a learning process.

Finally, I selected the Ketogenic diet. Dr. Mark Sisson suggests the 21 day step down diet to Keto.

Recipes  I am using   this week are from Maria Emmerich’s book, Keto Comfort Foods.  I ordered The Keto Reset Diet by Mark Sisson.  I  read his blog, testimonials and for me the reset diet right.  It is a 21 day step down from my “normal” eating patterns.

The past two months I refrained from sugar with every meal, ate very little bread and did not drink  Sodas. Deleting these items will be a great boost going forward.

I am  Excited and looking forward with anticipation to  health improvements, energy and improved skin and hair!

This weekend I will complete the grocery shopping list for this month.  Changing foods will not be as expensive if daily trips to the grocery store are avoided.  Monday should be good for sharing the list with you!

Tonight we had Cabbage soup made with:

  • 1 Large Head of Cabbage

  • 1 Large Onion Sliced

  • 1 Stalk of Celery

  • 2 quarts of chicken broth

  • Salt

  • Black Pepper

  • Chunked Bacon Bits

Fry the Bacon Bits Slowly in Olive Oil.  Add sliced onion and  2 table spoons of  butter.  Add the remaining ingredients and simmer for 45 minutes.

go forth and prosper,

I will go forth and write…haha

Molinda Sue

 

Finish it Friday!

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Friday

Words, a word, written words, vocal words,  my 500 words…my focus last year.  My salvation was writing 500 words each day.  I made a commitment  to Jeff Goins and the writing group.

Writing  500 words daily was medicine for my soul, a purging of my brain, a recognition for good things in life. I documented my plans and results for 2017.

Jeff offered a writing prompt each day. Once he suggested we write our Eulogy.  Another time he suggested we write about Fear.

I tried to write my Eulogy. I was stuck….like a business that was born, grew, bloomed and withered on the path…I felt withered so postponed writing my eulogy…Writing and talking to others inspired me to do something with the Eulogy that I will share later.

I wrote about fear, it unraveled like a faded ball of yarn….many different colors.  I wrote and I cried. I shared. Cried many tears and wrote many words until I was sure I conquered fear.

Starting 2018, I did the after action review of 2017 and I gave thanks for the things accomplished.  I am thankful I recognize  the hidden despair, disguised in pretty words, hidden fears….restrictions stated as fact  and not true at all. This form of denial has been my mask for years.  Last year was an improvement but fear definitely prevented some success.

Here on Excellent avenue, the snow is falling. God must be emptying the heavens!  It is beautiful.  Why does it remind me of the prompt to write about fear?

How on earth could snow make my stomach churn, my spirit dampen, generate this  awful forlorn feeling?  Fear.  Thoughts of:  I can’t get out, may fall and break my ankle again, can’t drive my  car, can’t go get groceries..

The word Can’t controlled my mind for hours.  Why couldn’t I get out?  Why couldn’t I drive.  Remember, when we lose our Why, we lose our way. My Why?  I was Afraid. Also, I was miserable, felt stuck, lots of negative thoughts.  So, I made a list of things I will not Tolerate this year….

Revelation,  writing the action steps to conquer fear doesn’t change anything.  Action is required.  My list of Will not Tolerate, transforms to goals to eliminate the intolerable, and plans to implement. Many things I listed not to tolerate had a control button called Fear.

For a list of the things I will not Tolerate this year….check out the post this coming Thursday!….   Fear doesn’t live on Excellent Avenue. Moving to the new address means filling my body, mind and soul with happy things.

New Inspiration……MTWTFSS…..you guessed it …first letter of the day of the week. These are my new writing prompts and the outline for my blog.   Using the first letter of each day, I made a list of 30 most important words that begin with the days first. letter.  Google the important words for a letter.  It’s fun!  Two words chosen from today’s list  are Fear and Finished.

Get this!  We have snow….lots of snow.  It is so cold here 11 degrees is a heat wave to me.  I am not a cold weather girl. I digested the word cold makes me hurt, sad but true…..

Existing  in a tiny basement apartment and looking outside at the cold deep fluffy blanket of snow,  I put some treads on my shoes and out I went…. shoveled snow! No room for Fear of Falling, shoveling, .. Yelp,  I did it  and I physically felt great afterward!

I shoveled so I could get my car out…. shoveled and shoveled. Then, I came inside turned the heating pad on and waited to hurt.  No pain!

My adrenaline was flowing. My son came home and we rode out to the store.  Oh my goodness,  the roads were clear…mostly, I could have driven my car…..Just the 125 feet of the drive leading out to the street was atrocious.  Standing at the beginning of the driveway, I couldn’t see the main street.  I looked; I was Afraid…..Fear,  get out of my life…everything I want is on the other side of fear.

My second word for Friday is Finished.    Somewhere around 3:00 pm will do an after action view of the weeks accomplishments.  At the end of the day,  work will be Finished and I can look forward to relaxing and Fun activities for the weekend.  Lots of words will make up Friday’s.  Finished is a staple word reminding me not to procrastinate.

Monday’s theme is Menu….You know, I moved and this new place is stocked with different things.  Menu for life, God, eating, …traveling…..So Monday come and meet my new healthy food menu!  See you there…… I have lost 3 pounds this week!  Let me share with you .

go forth and prosper

Molinda Sue

Thank you Jeff Goins, thank you writing friends you are on my gratitude list daily!

Halloween! The Sun Sets on October

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Say So Long, October

As the sun sets on this day, I  rejoice God gave me another day on this planet.  Today, is filled with wonderful memories, my son was born on October 31!  His brothers were upset because it spoiled their Halloween plans.

My sister’s birthday was also on October 31.  October’s Bright Blue Weather, a beautiful poem gently flows through my memory.  Outside the bare trees look down on the ground where their leaves lay.  The trees sway in the wind, preparing to hibernate for the winter.

Brrr….I have reset my mind to adjust to winter.  Remembering the snows in Kentucky,  where I played outside until my feet were numb and breathed in the cold wet air.  If I am destined to spend the winter here,  I will do so with joy in my soul.

Hello November

Welcome November.  My Verb for November is  Thank You!   Yelp, here it is used as a verb with the subject implied…I thank you.   You will see  a Lot of Thank You’s  in the month of November.

Thanksgiving greets us toward the end of the month. Remember to share with one needy family.

One more thing to share…..God has Restored my Song. Not only will I give Thanks, but I plan to sing many songs during November!

It’s 6:50 p.m. Time for me to say goodnight.

I will launch my online store  during November. Please look forward to and share my first November, Thank you in the morning!

What are you doing special in the month of November?

go forth and prosper,

Molinda Sue

 

Parkinson’s from a Mothers Heart

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The content  for this post is taken from a daily journal I started this year. Writing is my therapy. Sentences following were cautiously selected . Some of my notes were too painful to share. The ache comes from my soul, the smiles from my outside voice.  My son has Parkinson’s.

I feel  God told me to share my story with Dr.XXXXXX.  What? Little old me….when there are thousands of Mothers, women,men….with this story and perhaps their story would make a bigger impact than mine….

No….I just need to tell this Dr….perhaps he needs to know,  perhaps he can suggest a way to keep my heart from breaking, so I write him this letter…(it’s never mailed)

I went to a therapist earlier this year…thinking she had some magical words to fix my emotions.  After all…I only have a mothers feelings. It is my son who is physically suffering.  She couldn’t help.  She hugged me, cried and said I don’t know an answer.

June, 2017…My Darling Lynn….. in Franklin I watched my son lay down for a power nap on the couch in a room adjacent to the stage.  He fell into a light sleep……

Lynn….his wife….dear Lynn   she looked at him sleeping and her compassion ripped through my emotions so much love it was tangible…..I wondered what her thoughts were but her expression was kind,loving, maybe full of apprehension or wishing he didn’t feel the call to work to share his message…….  I do know, I saw the love in her eyes and felt her love for my son.  I am so blessed to have Lynn in my life.  This family is so blessed to have Lynn .

July…2017 I only know this morning my tears as I write this flow like the small stream outback.

Why?  God Why?  Why Ray?  …..well to answer my question then who should it be?

I would take his pain……his apprehension  could I bear his thoughts?  How can I help..  I must help…How…I don’t know How and I feel lost.

July 19,  2017  What part of me is still a Mother?  What does a mother do?  Pray….I need to remember to pray and pray.

I am in pain….more pain than I have ever experienced on a constant basis in my life.  Oh….when Ray was born, that was a new painful experience.  For 3 days….I was in labor, low in my back.  Then, they thought it was “normal” for a woman to travail. Family members took turns rubbing my back. He was a Big baby ….I was a little person…By today’s standards he would have been a c section….Not then.  Delivered with forceps.

I hurt…I hurt the pain was so bad, but I knew it would end and I would have a real live baby,    I knew the pain would stop….

It did…..I had the most precious bundle of joy ever…..NOW….did the forceps do damage that caused the Parkinsons?  Did the water at Camp LeJeune cause the Parkinson’s?  Am I in some unknown way responsible for Parkinson’s?

I can’t fix Parkinson’s.  I think of Lynn…..do I relate to her since I have really endured some tough things in life?  What does she think, feel, hope?

I would take his pain……his apprehension  could I bear his thoughts?  How can I help..  I must help…How?

My son has Parkinson’s   Can I tell him how to get well?  Nope,  Can I give him money?  Nope, don’t have it.  Can I live close and “make” him, them happy or happier?  Nope.

I wake up and need to go to the bathroom. I dread to move so bad…knowing each of the 32 steps I take will make me feel like the bones in my foot are breaking…..One pain, I have called a bone is probably a nerve. Tears roll.  I have a high pain tolerance. This is more than I can bear without tears.  I attempt a step….and think of Ray.

I think of a visit to  Ray’s house.  Lynn needed help with the dog and he attempted to run down the hall way….I SAW his struggle   It felt like someone was raking a fork through my heart  shredding it beyond repair.  I saw and felt his pain, frustration, maybe fear. I scurried to the guest room and cried. Visions of me and Ray when we could run…stomp, dance…I cried for what used to be. What I wanted to do was make him small, hold him and make it all better.

I am still the lying Queen of Denial…..I Cannot Accept Parkinson’s…I hate it….I will pretend it isn’t real and face the day and facebook with a smile.

I feel joy…it’s all okay.

He appears to be coping with the disease that  somewhat restricts him. I am coping with being at an age when some members of my family died and also others lived for another 35 years………..Hmmmm…..

Joy….I am so excited. I will be going to the team meeting in California in November just before Thanksgiving.  I almost declined.  I just know it’s an answer to prayer.  Sometime there, I will be able to talk to him and Lynn and Sean and tell them about the love in my heart.  It will be a joyful meeting.  I can for a few minutes tell them I hate Parkinson’s every minute of the day  I hate it with the constant restriction of my foot…I hate it hate it….Oh…maybe I shouldn’t go….Ray leads with enthusiasm and positive thoughts.   Hate isn’t positive.  I am Going!

An answer from God for me is:  The joy of the Lord is my strength.  The world needs Joy….Happiness is different.  with Joy there is peace and peace I take with me to California…..

Joy, joy, I look forward to California. Presently, my mind spins in turmoil.

Ray, I want to relive his childhood….What would I do different?  I would never let him out of my sight.   I would protect him as in a bubble,  how silly is that……Drawing from my memories….  I wanted him to win the spelling bee. He did.  I wanted him to win the speech contest in High School and he did….went to the next level and his class mate hung out the window of my car screaming for Ray as we rode to the next event…..I wouldn’t change the competition.    I traveled with him and his teacher to DC to compete…..yes Mama needed to go along…. my heart almost burst with pride. Oh, the little Theatre in Middlesboro……meeting Lynn for the first time…their wedding…..no if I had not been the role I played he wouldn’t be in his.

The first time he learned to float in Myrtle Beach South Carolina……It was our first family vacation…I was so excited although we lived 20 minutes from Onslow beach, we were going on vacation!   I was pregnant….Ray and Mark were excited.   We got there and realized we had forgotten to load our suitcase….only the clothes we had were on our back.    Don’t remember where we found bargain clothes, but I do remember crying and some woman asking me why….I told her and she laughed. She shared:

It was her first time to the beach with her husband of several years and they had gone out into the ocean to play…his teeth washed away…..And she found humor….so special. Another lady there taught him to float……………..Precious memories.

His first flight alone on a jet………………go Ray go  and the pilots name was Ray Edwards……………..I think he was 12.

No….I don’t know all the special memories he has  but I sure have plenty….memory of conflict too.   He always wanted to run away….did 2 or 3 times…why?  I don’t really know but I take full responsibility….It was and is what it is…… did not cause the Parkinson’s…………………….

He played the role of the Angel on the Step latter…when he was 12. Such a sweet little angel.

I do wish I could have relaxed more…..just enjoyed being with my boys instead of feeling I needed to make more money…do more,  go to school, have the perfect house.

Noon!  July 26

Watched my handsome son on Facebook live….He is beautiful to me Did you know men are beautiful?  When he was born my biological father was there and he declared to everyone present,  all 21 members of the family that Ray had the head of a President and would lead the country one day… Several smiled. My half brother didn’t….but Kell, said,   Just you wait and see……I see it happening now. He is a gifted, called man of God, leading others to Christ and sharing with everyone teachings to provide for themselves and family

Was I was a good mother? I tried.  It’s nice when people say…..That’s Your Son?  You must feel so Proud. I feel humbled and amazed that you survived me and found your role in life, a wonderful wife and even more……an incredible Son!

I find myself almost consumed with the hidden denial that things aren’t “normal” with you.  Sometimes on the phone, your voice is a bit weak. Once or twice I noticed it was a struggle to coordinate the eating utensils..I pray my expressions doesn’t make you uncomfortable.  My heart cries inside and I want you and Lynn to hear it, to know that I realize you all have a mountain to climb.  I will always be a phone call away if I can help.

Sometimes, I want to call sharing happy news from your brothers, from Soleil or Eliana….or that someone in the family is ill and I think this isn’t a good time.

In this public post I want to acknowledge, the journal is filled with notes about other family members, a couple of friends who shared my thoughts.  I love and appreciate each one of them.  I am proud they are part of my life!

Wish List…..my notes are filled with statements of wishes…wishing I could be transparent and you could See and Feel what I feel….had planned to attempt to share in California…..I am sharing now and Thank You for your recent podcast

The truth about Parkinsons

I have listened to this over and over.  First time, I had a total melt down. By the third time, I felt a release.  I love you just the way you are.  Yes, I still want to fix it. I can’t.  Thank you for being you, for being transparent, for being honest.  Know as long as I live I am a phone call away if I can ever to anything to make life easier.

Your honesty has opened my heart to say keep running your Race Son, you are a Winner!  I love you just the way you are and I love you just the way you will be. Hope you will love me just as much when I am old, wrinkled and perhaps cranky!

A President is a leader, loved and hated respected and feared. As Ray delivers Gods message, I believe he invokes all these reactions.

This picture of me and Ray was taken in Franklin, Tennessee.

I have read the draft for this post several times and deleted many statements. It would have been too long. Many  statements included other family members. .   This note is about Ray.  This note is about me.  It is for other Mothers facing challenges in their  lives they can’t fix.

These shared thoughts aren’t in order.  Forgive me, you must skip around. It’s life. I will help Ray by helping others with Parkinson’s who live near me.  This is the seed I sow and I know if Ray and Lynn need help, it will sprout near them and someone if not me will be there to help. For now, whatever state of health, mind or location we are in…

go forth and prosper,

Molinda Sue

 

Notes here are mostly verbatim from my journal this year. In December the journal will convert to a book…perhaps for the family, perhaps for public.  We, each have a story.  My feelings may not align with your story or vision of my life. It is written in truth as I see it today.

 

 

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Octobers Bright Blue Weather

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I love October.  My youngest son birthday is October 31, Halloween.

My sister’s birthday was Halloween.  She was an angel on earth and now in heaven.  We are daughters of Kelly Asher by different mothers. Kelly’s  favorite poem was Octobers Bright Blue Weather. It was read at his funeral. The words bring happy memories of childhood, playing in the rustling leaves, breathing the crisp air of fall and two little girls giggling.

High winds played in the trees here in Billings yesterday.  Now, the leaves cover the ground like a heavy blanket.  The trees are ready to rest for the winter.  Peace fills my soul and I breathe in the blue skies and October’s bright blue weather.

Spring is my favorite Season. Fall is the most colorful with God’s vivid paint brush.  Winter, brrr I chill to the bone. Without the winter, we wouldn’t experience Spring.

What is your favorite season?  Our seasons define the time to sow, time to grow time to reap.  What season are you in?  It’s harvest time for me! Time to …

go forth and prosper,

Molinda Sue

A Brutal Blow From Nature

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Hurricane Maria

Monday….talked with my friend Janet in Dominica. The wind was blowing.  A category 5 hurricane was speeding toward her island.

Tuesday morning, there is no communication.

My heart aches.  I feel like I did when Vic, my husband was dying…..alone  sad, empty and filled with grief.

Janet Taylor, my best  friend. At this time, there is no communication. The news states the island is destroyed.

I know there isn’t power anywhere on the island. Obviously no internet. The roads were primitive and now most likely completely impassible.  Dear God,  will you tell me how she is?

I know she is alone with her dog.  Although she has many friends on the island, no one is at home  with her.

Years ago, Middlesboro wasn’t kind to you.  You moved to Harrogate……and moved your practice there.  My parents followed you for care.  Your children came to my office and played…..Our business locations were less than 2 blocks apart.  Sometimes I came to you for care.

We each moved…..weird,  I moved to Knoxville. You moved 20 miles away  to Maynardville. Not knowing of the relocation,we met at a business function.  I wasn’t working. You asked me to work for you for a few months until you got your new office going.  I did.  I learned so much about supplements and care.

You hosted a Thanksgiving dinner and my new husband and I came.  The next year at Thanksgiving one of his lungs blew out. He would face death.  Death won.

We  made many memories.  I am  recalling times we met in different parts of the world.  From somewhere, we each traveled and met in Sevierville, Tennessee.  Another time, we met in Asheville,N.C.  I was ill with a deep cold.  You had me go in the steam room, get hot, then jump in the pool.  It broke the congestion.

I lived in Asheville for awhile and Janet visited twice.   The second time she came to catch her breath and regroup. Her husband appeared to be terminally ill. She stayed a few days.We ate a meal at the Laughing Seed Cafe and went shopping.  Janet bought a beautiful red dress and some kids bubbles to blow.  She went home.  She wore her new red dress and they celebrated.  Soon, he had to go to the heart unit at Vanderbilt.

One night I called her and asked if we could go to Vanderbilt to see him.  She was ready in a few minutes and I picked her up.  In Vanderbilt, that evening they put him on life support and we slept on the recliners in the ICU lounge.   Days later, he died.  Our husbands died too young, too soon.

Later, Janet moved from Tennessee to Dominica.  I felt sad when she left. She went to live her dream.  In 2006 I visited her.It was an amazing vacation for me. The picture below was in one of the hot tubs on the island.

2006 tagged with the inscription : my Best Friend Molinda E Gofoth

Memories flash through my mind in no particular order.  Is she alive? Tears flow and I don’t know why.  Memories past, details in present time, I am confused.

She came in from Dominica to go to a continuing Education class in Raleigh.  I was living in Spartanburg, S.C  She came to Spartanburg and we drove her to Raleigh.   It was a Touch for Health seminar and they graciously allowed me to attend.

My field of memories take me to real estate. Over the years you asked my advice for investments and sale of property.  When I was sick, I called you for advice.

I cry….are you alive?  Are you hurt?  Do you have food?  Bathroom facilities?  Your precious dog…is he alive?  Do you think of me….what goes through your mind as the winds howl outside threatening to blow you  and your home away.  What is happening with your trees?  How could I have been a better friend? What does your son and daughter feel?

Did we ever have ill words?  Yes, twice and the second time I wasn’t sure our friendship would survive.  After many, many months we talked and resolved the misunderstandings, clarified our original intentions and bonded as closer friends than ever.

Now,  I give thanks that no angry feelings were fed.  Oh, I picture you with your house still standing.  You are walking outside and see the destruction.  Are the trees still there?  One of the last things you said was I will always have food.  I have avocado trees, and mango’s, bananas.  Later. I will learn the trees along with their roots blew away.

What if you are no longer alive?  We ended our conversation with I love you.

Not many people I know now knew my Mother, Dad, Aunt, Uncles. Janet does.  When I mention them she has her own memories of them to share.  When my son shared he had Parkinson’s, she cried with me.

Most of the time we shared honest feelings.  Since Vic died, until now I haven’t seriously entertained the desire for a man in my life.  Janet wanted a man in her life.  Oh, God how I wish I had prayed more for You to answer that desire.  I hate the thoughts she is in the storm alone. Those thoughts take me to a place of wondering…if I were not staying with family now, I would be alone. Is this what I want?  Forever?

Years ago I gave her a gift from Susy Ormand.  It was a notebook to put important papers in for the time of death or disaster.  She mentioned the notebook on our phone call.

Where are you Janet?  Why can’t I dream of you at night?  Dreams have been my comfort.  Now a release of tears seems to bring a calmness. After 3 days, I am conscious it isn’t just you on the island. I wonder about your friend and mine, Rosella.  Carol, your receptionist? A couple of other friends I met when I visited you….and then wham….I realize the entire island is suffering.

How many people are dead. Only 18.  That means there is a good chance you are alive. Are you okay? This post, letter note is so random.

Emotions are confusing when there isn’t any definite news.  Once we know the outcome of a situation, feelings evolve.  I feel emotional tonight not knowing. I want to cry, scream, be busy and most of all I want the phone to ring.  I want it to be Janet.

This journal entry has an acceptable ending.  Janet is alive.  The dog is alive.  They are not on the island now. I know the sentences are random.  Some seem past tense, some present.  I wrote to Janet daily in present tense.  Now, it is past.  There is a new chapter and she has started traveling another road.

Five days of wondering, hurting, not being able to do anything was heartbreaking. The impact of the storm has left an impression on my heart.

The month of October has been and is a heart wrenching one for me.  I think I feel Emotional!

This Friday. my post will extract feelings from my heart.  One page of a chapter documenting how it feels knowing my son has Parkinson’s. No newly planted trees or grass, no new construction of a home, no amount of money changes the fact.  I am learning to Love what is.  Is that true?  I will share.

go forth and prosper,

Molinda Sue

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Vivid Colors of Fall

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October Colors Fall

Montana is beautiful this morning.  It’s cool and crisp. Bright red apples hang in the trees .  Many lay on the ground waiting for the deer to come and feast.

Maybe, I can show Ellie how to pick the apples with the apple picker. The ground is covered with apples.  Unfortunately, most have worms.

I have so much to be thankful for.  Reviewing the plans I made last January 1st, clearly  God  allowed many of them to transpire and He blessed my efforts. I asked for clarity. Many issues are clear to me. My response to other people’s expressed opinions have slowed my progress.  I give thanks for victories. I pledge to accelerate moving forward.

In her book, Loving What Is, Byron Katie challenges us to ask four questions when working through problems.  The first one:  “Is it true?”  This question I must ask of every opinion and thought this month.

Lesson for today:  This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.  Polonius:  Shakespeare

 I am responsible to be truthful, kind and Christ like.  Letting go of reactions to other people’s comments lifts a cloud of doom and I see the sun shining!  Let us,

go forth and prosper

Molinda Sue

Aunt Josie

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Dear Diary, this message was in my inbox!  It makes my heart flutter with memories of a past life left so far behind, memories tucked away that surface with mother’s day so close.  This picture is of my grandmother, Dora Sizemore Asher, Aunt Josies  daughter.  Grandma Asher died when she was 96.

Hello,
I was looking for info on Josie Jackson Sizemore and ran across your blog.My husband is a great grandson of Josie’s. I was wondering who are your parents and if you ever visit the home-place?The annual Jackson Sizemore reunion will be Memorial Day weekend this year at the old home place in Antley Branch, Manchester Ky. Would love to get acquainted with more family.Look forward to hearing from you!!

My favorite Uncle TJ may be able to go with me.  I am thinking he may be her only living grandson.  What a memorable day that may be.   Dear Diary, tonight my mind is revisiting the family I had growing up.